HAVEN'T EVEN put it in Sport mode yet and my palms are sweating as I attempt to pivot this 2433kg luxury SUV through corners at a pace that seems, frankly, unrealistic.
A sequence of esses with a s-s-s-heer drop on one side urges me to remain calm, but I cannot fight the fact that the new Volkswagen Touareg R is seriously egging me on.
But why are my hands so hot?
Oh. I've bumped the steering-wheel heating button again. It's one of those haptic controls that VW has since moved to dump - but unfortunately it's still on this car.
I switch it off and hang on for more as I punch the 'Sport' Drive Mode button and engage the 3.0-litre turbopetrol V6 and 100kW/400Nm electric motor to help make this drive even more memorable.
Suddenly my surroundings are blurrier, my right foot requires more thoughtful pressure on the throttle, and the eight-speed auto keenly hangs on to gears. It all gets a bit eventful when I approach a sharp bend with a touch too much pace. I push hard on the brake pedal, which suffers from airiness at the top of the action due to its regenerative braking system. It makes it feel like it wouldn't actually get this thing pulled up in time.
But I do, car and underpants intact, and power out of the bend with what feels like supernatural, physicsdenying acceleration for an SUV that would be as at home in Neutral Bay as it would the Nürburgring.
It isn't loud - there's barely any audible drama to it at all, in fact - and for a traditional R buyer, that might mean the Touareg R won't pass muster.
But it's almost silent because it's a Jack of All Trades kind of SUV, with a sedate manner in many situations, but a balls-out-blaster if you really want that kind of action, too.
Its balance is uncannily good, with a controlled tractability as I dart between corners, wondering how long this brilliant stretch of road lasts.
This story is from the {{IssueName}} edition of {{MagazineName}}.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber ? Sign In
This story is from the {{IssueName}} edition of {{MagazineName}}.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber? Sign In
JAGUAR XE
JAGUAR WAVES GOODBYE TO LOWER-END PRODUCTS”
LOTS TO LIKE, NIGGLES TO FIX
MAZDA'S BOLDEST SUV YET WAVES GOODBYE, BUT IS IT A HIT OR A MISS?
THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE MORNING
ELLEN'S UP WITH THE LARKS BUT GETS AN UNWELCOME EARLY MORNING ALARM
LAND OF CONFUSION
OR HOW THE GENESIS GV80 STILL MANAGES TO KNOT THE BROWS OF THE UNINITIATED
CHARGE OF THE LIGHT BRIGADE
NAME YOUR TOP 10 HOT HATCHES AND WE’LL BET NONE OF THEM HAVE BATTERIES. THE ABARTH SO0E AND MINI COOPER SE AIM TO POWER INTO THAT OPPORTUNITY
Polar expresS
A DROP-TOP FERRARI ON THE COLDEST DAY OF THE YEAR? ANDY ENRIGHT RUGS UP FOR A FRESH BLAST THROUGH SOUTH GIPPSLAND'S FINEST ROADS
DYNASTY REUNION
AHEAD OF THE ARRIVAL OF THE GS0 BMW Mo, WE FIND OUT WHICH GENERATION OF MUNICH'S SUPER-SEDAN IS THE GREATEST EVER
FORD CAPRI
THE EV YOU ALWAYS PROMISED YOURSELF?
VOLKSWAGEN TOUAREG R
TOP-TIER TOUAREG DELIVERS WHAT YOU EXPECT FROM THAT R BADGE
MG 4 X-POWER
MG TAKES A MULLIGAN ON THE X-POWER