Um, is it OK to...
Girls' Life magazine|April/May 2023
Stuck in a sticky dating sitch? We just solved it.
KATHERINE HAMMER
Um, is it OK to...

So you're at a crush crossroads: Your on-and-off love interest won't commit to a label...but gets mad when you say you're going to the dance with someone else. You see a text from a girl in your youth group flash on their screen...but should you peek? Or, ugh, you secretly have serious feels for...your BFF's ex. Whatever your dating dilemma, we're here to help you conquer that crisis.

IS IT OK TO... TEXT YOUR EX?

If it was a bad or recent breakup, avoid it. Even if you can't create some distance because you're in classes together, keep your interactions strictly public, like asking about the group project in the class Google Doc (or better, reaching out to someone new instead of relying on the comfort of your former flame).

That said, if you're hoping to rekindle a friendship or a once-happy romance, text away. "As long as you have clear boundaries and it's not harming your self-worth," it's OK to reach out, advises therapist Mallory Grimste.

MAKE THE FIRST MOVE?

Absolutely. If the flirty banter is obviously there, why not take the big leap? "I was so worried I'd come off as cringe when I asked out my crush," admits Cayla B., 17, "but she was so appreciative I took the risk-and she said yes!" Worst-case scenario, they turn you down and you can move on to brighter baes.

GHOST SOMEONE?

Not the best move, tbh. Think about how you feel when someone doesn't respond to you: at best, confused; at worst, super hurt. When feelings are involved, it's important to give conversations (even over text) a clear beginning and end.

But if someone is harassing you or reaching out constantly when you've made it clear you don't want to chat further, it's definitely OK not to contact them-and to tell a trusted adult or counselor what's going on.

CANCEL A DATE AT THE LAST MINUTE?

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