When was the last time you said yes to something, even though the idea filled you with dread? Was it last week, via WhatsApp? Last night, over dinner? Or perhaps it was in your most recent meeting with your boss. Regardless of who’s causing you to acquiesce all over the place, chances are you could use a refresher on boundaries. You know, the rules of engagement for how you wish to be treated by others that mental health experts rave about. The rules that – thanks to the convenience of modern technology – have been increasingly eroded. “Boundaries set limits for what people can expect from you,” says psychotherapist Lorraine Green. “When people respect your boundaries, you feel heard, understood and respected.” Put simply, they’re the building blocks of your self-esteem and self-worth. Fail to put them in place – or adhere to the boundaries you’ve previously built – and it will take a toll on your wellbeing in ways you may not even notice. “When your boundaries are poor, you can find that you end up giving away all of your time and energy – you can burn out quickly, without knowing why,” says clinical psychologist Dr Sophie Mort, author of A Manual For Being Human (R257, Readerswarehouse. co.za). “Having clear boundaries allows you to say yes to the things that are important to you, no to the things that aren’t and maybe to the stuff in between.” So, let’s learn how to build them, shall we?
THE work + life BOUNDARY
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