I RECENTLY FOUND MYSELF agonizing over a financial decision. I had three options, and having spent considerable time researching them felt reasonably informed, but I was still not fully confident in which to choose. So when I later saw a financially savvy acquaintance at a party, I decided to ask for her advice.
As the conversation deepened, however, I felt my stomach tighten in frustration. While I'm sure my friend wanted to help, her advice was immediately off the mark. She didn't ask me questions or consider how my goals might differ from hers. She simply told me what she would do, and I quickly found myself tuning out her monologue. The exchange left me feeling discouraged.
When we ask someone for advice, we look for a range of responses: a thoughtful and objective perspective, information to fill a knowledge gap, guidance from someone we trust. Done well, the exchange can benefit both parties, adding nuance to each person's thinking and strengthening their bonds.
Bad advice, on the other hand, can harm relationships and make a tough decision even tougher. The worst advice-givers can invite second-guessing, undermine your values and lead you astray. Even the most well-intentioned bad guidance can leave us feeling exasperated, misunderstood and even more confused. Luckily there are things we can all do to avoid giving and receiving bum advice.
CONSIDER YOUR 'ASK'
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