Cornered!

It's a case of "she's behind you" for hapless bunny Ted

- Chris Pascoe

I have no ability to retain anything I see or read in the news. With most news being what it is, that's probably a good thing, but my inability extends even to readouts of the classified football results - I listen to every score, and afterwards, I don't have a clue what any of the scores were.

Given the football team I support, again, that's probably good, but one thing I do retain, written, viewed or heard, is nonsense and funny snippets, and I've come across quite a lot recently...

Firstly, a genuine extract from a vet's instruction manual, on dealing with cats. This advice could've been written with a number of cats I know in mind: Don't attempt to fight a cat. It will win. I find it marvellous that a veterinary handbook should even mention "having a fight" with a cat. When my cats visit the vets, it's mainly for healing, not punch-ups (Bodmin excepted).