Non-Violent Communication

How to cope with conflict situations

- Monica Fernandes

Mature communication is a fundamental building block of society, as it helps us to function effectively. In order to address conflict in society, the late Dr Marshal Rosenberg, an American psychologist, wrote a book called Nonviolent Communication - A Language of Life. Dr Rosenberg believed that human beings are, at their core, empathetic and compassionate. A mature, non-judgemental, nonviolent reaction to hurtful situations is a choice we make and can be learnt at any time.

Conflict is a part of our daily lives. It could be because of irrational learnt beliefs and prejudices, negative emotions, misunderstandings, or lack of concern for others. Today, cutthroat competition is lauded by the media and influencers. This constant quest for being 'first' results in conflict when our needs are unmet.

Living on the edge brings unhappiness, destroys human relationships and results in various psychosomatic sicknesses. For instance, a gossip is impinging on the rights of others by spreading canards. Some communicate through criticism, bullying, aggression and sarcasm.

Irrational Culturally Learnt Beliefs and Prejudices: "As the head of this family, my daughter must be married off early. A woman's place is in the house. What does she need an education for?" Prejudice colours a person's thinking, and he will defend a lie.

Negative Emotions: A person feels worthless, perhaps due to mental and physical abuse during his/her early days. Consequently, the person is aggressive in communicating with others.

Misunderstandings: This arises when we imagine that the other person is hostile and out to hurt our feelings. In actual fact, your college friend may be blunt because he/ she believes it is the correct way to communicate. He/she does not realize that he/she is being hurtful.