Mortimer the Miserable

Mortimer the Magic Hat could make almost anything appear.

- Rebecca Sutton

When he heard a magic spell, he could turn bits of air into squawking chickens, slithering snakes, and chittering, chattering chipmunks. The depths of his crown swirled and twirled with so much magic that he could produce dragons and mice, unicorns and house cats. Once, he even conjured up a saber-toothed tiger. But no matter how hard he tried, and no matter what magic words were spoken, Mortimer could not make a white rabbit appear.

“No white rabbits? Preposterous!” said Wanda the Wonderful when she came to Mr. Quigglemire’s Magic Hat Shop. “A magician can’t be a magician without a white rabbit. It’s every child’s favorite trick! Please, Mr. Quigglemire, show me the next hat.”

“No rabbits?” said Francis the Fantastic. “Don’t waste my time, Quigglemire. Next hat, please.”

“Absurd,” said Edwina the Enchanted. “Rubbish,” said Marvin the Marvelous. “No, thank you,” said Magic Milt. “I’ll take that hat over there, if you please.” (Magic Milt was known as the most polite magician in the business.)