To Douche Or Not To Douche

Do you have a smell or an itch down there? Perhaps you are terrified if you lean in you will find mossy forests, forgotten babies running around in a game of tap and the car you forgot in the parking lot last Tuesday in 2007.

- Jackline Mukami

Somewhere along the drugstore and supermarket aisles sits a solid shelf of ‘feminine cleansing washes.’ You’ve seen them. Conveniently resting next to the pads and tampons. They all baldly promise a fresh showered feeling down there. Creams, sprays, squirty thingies and inserts telling us how our vaginas are gross hell - deep unseen mysterious chasms of horror, darkness and stench, in dire need of general perking up, scouring, freshening and extra wiping. Our ‘feminine odour’ is much cause for anxiety. Something repulsive. Because the vagina must be the world’s leading instrument of torture - we mean pleasure - and therefore must be micromanaged. I mean, look, ladies, that idea if I may shout so, infuriatingly misogynist. The vajayjay is a cool self-lubricating genius. Not only does it secrete a delightfully musky whiff for sexy time, that wetness protects against injury and infection.

We get it. Not everyone is into eau de vagina. We can’t imagine why. Sure humans have a less than flowery aromas at the end of the day. Either way the rest of the body does not smell of tropical fruits at that point. And, this completely natural state, ladies, is one men are actually attracted to. Not believing this sexy gem of wisdom has led most women down the douche path, mistaking it as the ultimate solution clean. Besides this is douching to wash away menstrual blood, prevent pregnancy after sex and avoid STIs. Yeah. We are not sure about the last two either. An estimated 30% of modern women aged between 15 and 44 have tried vaginal douching. It has to be said if odour is the real problem, get help. Not over the counter either. Self diagnosis is just as bad as douching. It could be a red flag for bacterial vaginosis, trichomoniasis, hormonal changes, poor hygiene and sweating, retained or forgotten tampon or even certain foods.