Want More Sex?

Sex is important in a relationship, but often we’re too shy to talk about it. So if you’re not doing it as often as you’d like, here’s some expert advice...

- Natalia Lubomirski

According to the 2012 Durex Global Sex Survey, 83% of participants agreed that sex is vital to one’s health and well-being. Surprising then, that it’s one of the things couples are most hesitant to talk openly about. Why? Embarrassment, fear of judgement or being criticised top the list. A 2011 study found that being able to comfortably talk to your partner about sex was linked to greater sexual satisfaction in two ways: firstly, on a physical level because you’ve shared your likes and dislikes and, secondly, communicating about sex boosts intimacy, which leads to increased sexual satisfaction. With only a little over a third of South Africans getting passionate at least once a week – and the rest of us less frequently – could having an honest dialogue be key to having more – and better – sex?

HOW TO TALK ABOUT SEX

Keep these points in mind to encourage an open and honest discussion

CHOOSE YOUR MOMENT

Let your partner know ahead of time that you’d like to discuss your sex life so they have time to prepare. Choose a neutral space – not the bedroom – and remember that communication isn’t just about talking, listening is just as important.

BE KIND TO EACH OTHER

This isn’t the time to make a complaint. Remember that your partner could be feeling at risk of judgement or rejection. Be complimentary and say things like, ‘I love the sex we’re having – it would be nice to have more of it.’ Or, ‘I found it a real turn on when you initiated sex the other day, I’d love for that to happen again.’

KEEP AN OPEN MIND

You want to reach the point where talking about sex doesn’t feel like a big deal – because it’s really not!

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