Opening up to love

By surrendering to the present, Jyoti Marianne Bahri peeled away the layers of childhood memories to reveal the love that existed between her and her 'uncaring' father

- Jyoti Marianne Bahri

I always thought that my father did not care about me throughout my childhood. I felt he preferred my brilliant elder brother and my other four siblings. He was busy with the hard work on the farm and his duties in the factory. The whims and wishes of his parents, living with us in Germany, had a tight grip on him. When my youngest sister was two years old, she was scared of my father's huge, rough hands. He made an effort to win her trust and often brought sweets, which she had to pick from his hands. Besides this, there was not much display or sign of love around. Grandfather hated all expressions of emotions and forced everyone to restrict themselves. When I was six, I was very sick and was admitted to a paediatric hospital. Parents were not allowed inside, and I could see my father behind the glass with tears uncontrollably flowing down his cheeks. It was the only time I ever saw him cry.

Dad reaches out

Many years later, my mother called me in India and asked me to return to Germany as soon as possible. She said: “Your father is very unwell; he is calling out for you in his sleep and semiconscious state. Please come. He needs you.” That time, I realised that I did mean something to him. Despite all my other siblings close by, he called out for me. I flew immediately to be with him.