The Anti-Social Network

One in three men feel lonely on a regular basis, with those in their mid-thirties most likely to suffer acutely. But its causes run deeper than our relationship status or the size of the city we live in. One MH writer reflects on the challenges of modern male friendships – and asks what can be done

- Josh Glancy

A few years ago, four of my male friends and I spontaneously organised a trip to the bush. None of us is exactly Bear Grylls, and I can’t quite remember how we came up with the idea – but we obviously felt that spending a weekend in a lonely, rural cottage would be an important thing to do. So we packed some hiking boots, emptied a supermarket and committed to 48 hours in the wilderness.

Something fascinating happened on that trip, though the schedule was unremarkable. We spent most of the time drinking and gently humiliating each other. There was a failed attempt to roast some beef and an ill-judged hike that ended with a trespassing incident. But that wasn’t the extent of things. Though we had all been good friends since university, we had never been away together. It was liberating to leave the city and deposit ourselves in the countryside. Sitting around a fireplace in the middle of nowhere, we somehow felt freer. Embarrassing concerns and old grudges were released from ancient resting places, and we were able to examine our souls.

I stayed up all night with one mate, discussing how we felt a little trapped by our lives – I wanted to be a writer and foreign correspondent but found myself chained to an editorial desk job; he had spent several years working in finance but yearned to do something more fulfilling. It was one of those rare conversations that permanently impressed itself upon my consciousness. I’ll never forget its power, nor the extraordinary impact that being away with a group of close male friends can have, creating an atmosphere that was at once fairly savage and deeply comfortable.