CATEGORIES
YOU PLONKER
Wine thief nicks 8,000 bottles & doesn't drink one
Lazy aliens cannot be bothered to invade our planet ..SAYS A NASA BOFFIN
THE reason we haven't encountered aliens yet is because they don't want to waste energy exploring space, Nasa boffins say.
LIGHTS OUT UK
Fears grid will be overwhelmed by 2028
SMOKING BAN RUINS GOLFER'S MEDAL BID
GOLFER Charley Hull's gold medal dreams went up in smoke after she was banned from having a fag at the Olympics.
Strictly culture is toxic
STAFF 'FACED ABUSE'
LOVING..LIKE CATS & DOGS
Moggies grieve if pet pooch dies
BANGED UP: FIRST 3 MINDLESS MORONS
Court blitz on street thugs
Trump in 'fat Elvis stage
ORANGE ONE'S 'ALL SHOOK UP'
Crustless Nigella `taking the pizza'
DOUGH.. TELLY COOK'S UPSET THE ITALIANS
RIDING HIGH
Sprint stars give silver service
BOSSY BEAUTS
Maresca men making all the right Moises
TRAFFIC LIGHTS MUM SEES RED
A MUM has turned herself into a human traffic light to slow speeding drivers at an accident blackspot.
TINY ARM FROM HOBBIT HUMAN
BOFFS have found a fossil arm of a \"Hobbit\" human.
JUNIOR'S CLASS
Leigh schooled by Nsemba
Fly tippers
DRONES CLEAR EVEREST MESS
SALAD DODGERS' TUMMY TROUBLE
Digestive issues crippling_poor eaters
BOFFINS: TIME TO LOVE THY ROBOT
Machines throw shapes to woo humans
PET HATES
Noisy_guffs stressing out cats & dogs
£168M FINES FOR SEWAGE SPILLERS
Water firms `catalogue of failure'
Go on, hug a wasp!
EGGHEADS CALL ON FOLK TO BE KIND TO BUGS
'DISGUSTED' BY POLICE DOG HIT
OFFICERS are hunting a riot thug who smashed a police dog in the face with a brick.
Holly's back on prime time TV
CLASSIC show You Bet! Is being revived by ITV.
£6BN HOLE IN COUNCIL TAX FUNDS
Surge in struggling households
Old phones still have a bling ring
THE Royal Mint has opened a new unit to remove gold from old computers and phones to turn it into jewellery and collectables.
PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS
Terrific trio put pedal to medal
HOWAY THE DADS
Father figure Howe has Barnes bouncing again
BEST BAR NONE
Slot's high standard for new Kop signings
Never forget the lion of Karachi Who was dancing in the dark with Hussain'
A CHAMPION WHO WORE HIS HEART ON HIS SLEEVE
ULTIMATE WARRIOR
Marshall will soldier through busy period
COUNTRY PRIDE
Herbert's so at home in octagon