Why Wallets And Ringing Phones Are Strictly For Oldies

No longer down with the kids, Simon Mills looks at 10 ways you're showing your age - Werther's Original, anyone?

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I am old, I am. I wear the bottoms of my selvedge jeans rolled. I also never leave the house without my wallet stashed in my jacket. Wallets being ever so organised, sensible and useful, right? And, apparently, the latest telltale geriatric signifier and screaming badge of doddery, right up there with sucking on a

Werther’s Original, smoking a pipe, and still calling it “Hammersmith Odeon”.

In mine, I have a few business cards, two credit cards, a full house of loyalty cards from the big three supermarkets, some paper receipts, a photo of my daughters, two £10 notes and my driver’s licence.

All further evidence of my ancient-ness. But where else should a man keep all this essential man stuff?

Well, like, duh, granddad – how about on your phone, on apps, on the cloud, like Gen Z. Only tragic, analogue, old people have foldy, bulky, dead animal skin “wallets” these days. Old men are now aware of this because a young person on TikTok (whatever that is) just decreed it so.

But now our wallets have been consigned to the oldster bin containing all the other ageing stuff. Like… full-fat milk and postage stamps, landlines and leaving voicemails and calling him “Puffy Daddy”. Here are the other surprising things you’re doing which are revealing your age.

1. Failing to understand or entertain the idea of ‘queuing’