Money Plan For Happy Marriage

Money issues can cause immense strife and discord among partners, and fights can get very nasty. Communicate from the very start so that problems don't crop up later

- LARISSA FERNAND

In February, people across the world get caught up in Valentine's Day theatrics. To some, it's a day to express their love, and they look forward to it. In others, it also evokes a lot of angst.

This got me thinking about love and money, and so, I approached a bunch of people with one openended query: "Can you share a perspective on finances in a marriage?" They included a widow, a divorcee, newly-wed, married for decades, no children, with children, an inter-faith couple, some where the husband was the sole bread winner, and some where both were employed.

There were three responses that startled me. The source of the friction did not come due to the spending or saving habits of each partner, but from outside influences.

"If any gift of a considerable monetary value is given, especially by close relatives, the couple must ensure that there are no strings attached as to how it is used; the couple needs to have full freedom to decide how to deploy those funds," said Nitya. "In-laws and others should never be involved in a couple's financial issues," she added.

Clearly, I had touched a raw nerve. Abraham had a similar view. "Marriage is a partnership, and the severance of the umbilical cord is necessary. Financial support for parents is an obligation and a value we cherish, but that doesn't mean that parents have complete control over their child's finances and make demands."

Laila emphasised: "It is important that in-laws on either side are not clued into detailed financial issues of the couple. I always made my spouse aware that I have to help my parents, and I never gave any money without his knowledge. If there was any disagreement, we thrashed it out before making the final decision. We never involved parents in this discussion."