AMBER: I CAN'T PAY THE PIPER!

Beauty lives like pirate queen but deep-sixes Depp’s $10.3M jury award

RUSSIAN WAR DOG SWITCHES SIDES!

Fighting for Ukraine after being deserted on the battlefield

TIMBERLAKE IS $100M SELLOUT

Justin has cashed in on his song catalog

FRAGILE CHARLENE FENDS OFF ALBERT!

Uses her purse to keep prince away

MEGHAN MIMICS KIM KARDASHIAN!

Wannabe reality star duplicates real deal's every move & moment

NASA FINALLY TARGETS UFOS!

Astronauts have reported unexplainable objects

OBAMA MARRIAGE MELTDOWN!

Barack & Michelle brawling over her nip/tuck plans and hunky young crush

J&J COVID VACCINE BLOOD CLOT DANGER!

FDA rules jab is only good as last resort

GOODFELLA RAY REFUSED TO RAT!

Took mob & celeb secrets to his grave

EPSTEIN MADAM CHEATS DEATH!

Ghislaine Maxwell fights off vicious prison executioners

BORING MAYIM IN JEOPARDY!

Frumpy fashions & nerd-ware give audiences bad case of the blahs

BATTLING BIDENS' SECRET TEXT WARS!

How prez & wife hide their fights from bodyguards

RANTING TUCKER FLAMING OUT!

Racism scandal threatens cable news ratings king

VENGEFUL TOM CRUISE SLAPS DOWN NICOLE!

Erases ex-wife from greatest film hits video

QUEEN ELIZABETH'S BIZARRE SECRET LIFE

Inside story after 70 years on throne

WARNING SIGNS YOU DON'T GET ENOUGH VITAMIN B12

It makes your nerves work

TV CHEF GORDON IN ARTHRITIS HELL!

Hot-tempered Ramsay, who had surgery to repair knee cartilage in 2021, refuses to slow down and even has a new show on FOX!

POOP COPS SMEAR AMBER HEARD!

Jokingly clear Depp’s ex of taking dump in beauty store aisle

PUTIN'S SECRET CANCER SURGERY

The dictator surrendered power during and after the operation

MEGHAN'S MINIONS ABANDONING SHIP!

Accused bully loses 12th top staffer

HUNCHBACK OZZY'S CRAZY PAIN TRAIN!

Stooped rocker, 73, facing wheelchair if he doesn’t slow down

CLINTON'S EPSTEIN GO-BETWEEN IN SHOTGUN BLAST!

Cops see suicide but private eye insists murderer staged death scene

NICOLE'S FUNKY FACE FREAKS OUT FANS!

Insists she's all-natural but surgeons say her plastic ain't fantastic

WENDY & SHERRI BARE THEIR CLAWS!

TV talkers in new catfight

TOO DARK BATMAN IS BLINDINGLY TERRIBLE!

STRAIGHT TALK!

PUTIN'S GREATEST HITS!

Vlad the Mad assassinating moneymen to protect his cash

HUNKY RACER DRIVING MICHELLE NUTS!

Electrifying chemistry links lady killer and Barack's smitten wife

MODERN SERIAL KILLERS MOST DANGEROUS YET!

2,000 cunning monsters are prowling America

MAYIM CHASES KEN JENNINGS OFF JEOPARDY!

Big Bang geek is now game show's undisputed queen

FAILING MEGHAN ERASES HER PAST!

Scrubs all mention of canceled cartoon