ALONE AGAIN, naturally

Solitude is not a synonym for loneliness but an act of self-care, discovers Kate Townshend

- Kate Townshend

What do you think when you see someone arrive to eat alone in a restaurant? Or sitting quietly on a bench, locked in their own thoughts, without any companions?

Some cultural clichés might suggest mild pity is a valid response being alone, we’re told, is awful and lonely. When we call people loners’ it feels gently pejorative. And it still takes a hefty dose of not caring what other people think’ to take yourself on a solo trip to the theatre or the cinema.

In recent years, however, I’ve started to have a different reaction to seeing people out and about in solitude one best described as a kind of wistful envy.

Maybe it’s because I am busy busy for such clichéd reasons, I’m almost embarrassed to list them: a challenging teaching job a few days a week, a self-imposed but punishing freelance schedule, parenting a one-year-old, and all of the triumphs and disasters that come along with it. Plus, running a house and walking a dog and maintaining my adult relationships, too. 

So life is sometimes overwhelming and noisy. And while I wouldn’t have it any other way, I’ve come to realise that certain rituals and coping strategies are necessary in order to also retain my sanity amidst this beautiful mess.

Sometimes that looks like traditional self-care: time with friends, a bubble bath, dinner for just my husband and I. But, crucially for me, what I also need in order to function effectively is time to be alone. Completely, blissfully, gloriously alone at least for a while. And in this process, I’ve come to realise that loneliness and solitude are two quite different experiences as much as society sometimes tries to treat them as interchangeable.