'Grannies are bemused about bizarre names'

Many of my girlfriends are becoming grandmothers and it's such a joyous time, except for one thing - baby names.

- Author Kathy Lette

All across Britain, bemused grannies are huddled in cardiganed covens, whispering about the bizarre choices of their offspring.

Delusions of grandeur have resulted in my friends' grandchildren being christened as 'Emperor', 'King', 'Pharaoh', 'Judge' and 'Heiress' - although it will no doubt be pronounced 'Airhead' when the gal fails to live up to this financial destiny.