Slug and LETTUCE

Was Sharon's marriage worth saving? Oh yes it was!

- Linda Lewis

It was the night when the roles for the forthcoming panto would be finalised. Due to a lack of experienced male actors, Sharon had been asked to play Slug, one of the Ugly Sisters. She was hoping her husband Vincent could be persuaded to play Lettuce.

As the director turned to him, she held her breath.

'Vincent, I'd like you to play one of the Ugly Sisters, opposite your wife. What do you think?'

Sharon wasn't surprised when Vincent shook his head.

'Thanks, Jack, but I'd rather not. I'm not sure it's me.'

'I understand your reluctance,' the director replied. 'The problem is, we have some new people coming along. I could ask one of them, but the role needs somebody with acting experience. The panto may be called Cinderella but, as we all know, Slug and Lettuce are the real stars of the show.'

Sharon kept her fingers tightly crossed behind her back. After 36 years, their marriage was going through a rocky patch. They were both so busy working, the feeling of closeness that they'd shared for so long had all but disappeared. Worst of all, Vincent had lost his sense of humour. She couldn't remember the last time he'd cracked a bad joke or made her giggle.

It seemed like ages before he gave the director his answer. 'OK, Jack. If there's really nobody else, I can give it a try.'

Jack beamed and slapped him on the back. 'Great! Now that's out of the way, here's who I'd like to play the rest of the roles...'

Sharon was so relieved her husband had accepted the part, she couldn't stop smiling. Her job was so demanding, going to the am-dram group on a Tuesday evening had become the highlight of her week. Playing opposite her husband would be a dream come true, even if it did mean wearing over-the-top make-up, a ghastly costume and ridiculous wig.