So Should I Just… Keep Watching My Friend Mess Up?

It’s all about perspective—and boundaries, says our advice columnist, therapist Minaa B.

- Minaa B

Dear Minaa,

One of my best friends from college and I are still close, but our friendship has changed a lot over the past few years. I think part of it stems from her spending most of the pandemic alone and feeling isolated.

We talk a lot about how frustrated she is with her dating life and how she's recently taken steps to ensure that she can be a parent without a partner. Lately, she's been playing with the idea of starting IVF soon-ish-and she just turned 30. In my opinion, she's getting a bit ahead of herself.

Another change: She's making an effort to stand up to toxic people in her life and let them know how they've wronged her. Now, most of our conversations center on how she plans to call them out or on rehashing these bad interactions over and over again.

While I'm happy to see she's taking charge of her life, I'm worried she's creating new problems that will have a negative impact on her mental health. I should say that she does see a therapist regularly, takes mental-health-related medication, and, in theory, prioritizes her emotional well-being. But even so, her overall personality has shifted to become more negative and generally angry at the world. It's gotten to the point where I've been thinking about spending some time away from her.