The great poet Sylvia Plath once wrote, “My face I know not. One day ugly as a frog the mirror blurts it back.” I feel you, girl.
While many people channeled their anxiety into canning and puzzles during the pandemic, I took it out on my face. Some call it facial dysmorphia, but I call it FaceHate. Instead of dealing with the extreme isolation I felt as a single woman who moved across the country to a new city a few months before COVID shutdowns, I obsessively picked apart my reflection. In Zoom after Zoom, I found myself confronting a litany of internal critiques: The right side of my mouth is slightly downturned. The family jowls have finally caught up with me. When did my right eyelid get so droopy? Faced with such thoughts, I would often decide I was too grotesque to be seen and keep my video off. My Self View, however, was always on.
As the pandemic stretched on, my FaceHate worsened. I developed a habit of immediately grabbing my phone after waking up and snapping a selfie to see whether I looked as repulsive as I had the day before. Were my eyes red? Lopsided? Was my face swollen? Did my skin look…older? I would identify a choice defect of the day and walk back and forth to the bathroom mirror every 5 or 10 minutes checking, checking, checking on it. I was relentless, but I couldn’t make myself stop. I knew I needed help.
Denne historien er fra May 2022-utgaven av ELLE.
Start din 7-dagers gratis prøveperiode på Magzter GOLD for å få tilgang til tusenvis av utvalgte premiumhistorier og 9000+ magasiner og aviser.
Allerede abonnent ? Logg på
Denne historien er fra May 2022-utgaven av ELLE.
Start din 7-dagers gratis prøveperiode på Magzter GOLD for å få tilgang til tusenvis av utvalgte premiumhistorier og 9000+ magasiner og aviser.
Allerede abonnent? Logg på
Mikey MADISON
With her breakout role as a sex worker, the Anora stay learned much more than how to dance.
What a Trip DREWSTARKEY
Along with his capital-Pperformance as bad guy Rafe in Outer Banks, Drew Starkey has scored his big movie break. He tells us about his buzzy role in Queer, based on the William S. Burroughs novel.
Demi MOORE
The Substance star has reached a State of enlightenment.
Cynthia ERIVO
For the Nicked star, every character is achance to know herself more deeply.
Karla Sofia GASCON Selena GOMEZ.&Zoe SALDANA
Three very different actresses found sisterhood and career-transforming rolesin Emilia Pérez.
Saoirse RONAN
The Irish actress became an unlikely American everygirl. But at 30, she's ready to paint with a darker palette.
Danielle DEADWYLER
The Piano Lesson star is highlighting Black history through her film roles.
Julianne MOORE & Tilda SWINTON
For these two Oscar winners, a long-hoped-for collaboration in The Room Next Door feels meant to be.
IN THE LAND OF WOMEN
With The Room Next Door, Pedro Almodóvar tackles a new language, but his ability to translate the experience of women remains rock solid.
In the Public Eye
When Shiori Ito's sexual assault investigation was dropped. she de the camera on herself to find justice.
