'Dad Told Mum He'd Kill Her If She Escaped'

The stars of hit YouTube channel Pixiwoo, sisters Sam and Nicola Chapman, are a modern success story. But here the siblings reveal for the first time how growing up with domestic violence affected their childhood and shaped their futures

- Andrea Thompson

Sam, 40, a successful businesswoman and mum to Lily, 13, and Olivia, nine, relives an upbringing ruled by crippling fear

One of my clearest childhood memories is of perching on the step outside my parents’ bedroom each night. I’d sit and listen to the terrifying screams and bumps coming from the room, waiting for them to stop so I could go to sleep. As the eldest of four children, I felt it was my job to stay awake in case Mum needed me to rush in and help her. Most evenings I’d hear Dad shouting, the sound of his fist connecting with something, or a body being pushed against the wall, then crying and silence. Mum never shouted back. Like the rest of us, she lived in a state of constant fear.

From as early as I can remember, I watched Dad terrorise the family. Mum was too scared to leave – Dad told her he’d kill us if she escaped. It’s only now, looking back as a mother myself, that I realise the full impact of the domestic violence I witnessed as a child. I may be a strong, confident woman with the drive to run several businesses, but this is borne out of a determination to prove my abusive father wrong – he spent so many years putting the women in my family down, telling us we were fat and useless. I still suffer with terrible anxiety after being stalked by Dad after Mum finally threw him out. Even now, I immediately find myself looking for exit points in a new room in case I need to escape.

Because of Dad, I also ended up in relationships with men who were bad for me – one boyfriend kicked me in the stomach when he found out I’d been smoking. I’ve spent most of my life avoiding close relationships entirely because I feel trapped when I get too close to someone and I’m scared of being let down. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever been in love or ever will be.