Beating Diabetes Shame

Are you ashamed of your diabetes? Afraid of judgement, Ilene Raymond Rush kept hers a secret for years, before deciding to accept her diagnosis and take control of the shame game

- Ilene Raymond Rush

HIDING DIABETES

It’s early March in 1985 and I’m in a hospital bathroom. My father is about to undergo a heart bypass; I’m huddled beside a sink, fighting to squeeze out a drop of blood for my new glucose monitor. But the more I try to extract the blood, the less cooperative my finger becomes. I’m scared of the lancet, scared of getting a reading above 8.3mmol/L. I hate the sight of my own blood. And what if one of my sisters wanders in on me midtest?

The truth is I’ve kept my condition a secret. I’m terrified of being forced to reveal it. Awaiting the verdict of the machine, I’m also swept with shame. Ever since my doctor told me I have gestational diabetes, I feel I’ve done something wrong to hurt my unborn child.

A LEGACY OF DIABETES

Diabetes was always a loaded topic in my family. My father – who was diagnosed with type 2 at age 30 after passing out at a party – never accepted his disease. He never followed a food plan or regularly exercised. That he lived until 89 was a testament to his many years of physical labour at his hardware store.