What Women Want

Journalist Laurie Penny talks female desire and sexual liberation.

- Laurie Penny

If we want to end sexual violence, we need to talk about female desire. It might seem strange to be talking about pleasure when we are surrounded by stories of rape and harassment. But, honestly, the worst men – and the worst lovers – I’ve known, were the ones who didn’t understand that women also want things from sex. That sex is not simply something we give to men – or something men take from us.

These were the men who commented, with a mixture of surprise and revulsion, on how much I actually seemed to enjoy the sex we had, how I acted as though we were sexual equals, as though my own desire mattered – and how unusual that was. I’ve never known what to say to that. I’ve never known whether to pity their ignorance or worry about the other women they’ve been with. About how those women may have felt forced to deny their desire, to keep their sexual agency secret, even in bed.