I'M JUST A HOLE FOR... THE TOXICITY OF TOP AND BOTTOM CULTURE

Let's face it: Drag Race's conveyor belt of bottom-shaming jokes ("Ross Mathews isn't a top, he's a blouse" Bosco, SE14) are probably part of the problem. From "dom tops" to "no bottoms", does the gay male power imbalance of who fucks who fuck us all over in the end?

- Jamie Tabberer

Once upon a time, this writer met a tall, handsome stranger - or, to be blunt, a 'total top' online and discovered just how far from a fairytale gay sex can be.

"Will you be ready to go again soon?" I asked. "I didn't finish..."

That's right: he came without warning. Then rolled over, put his hands behind his head and smiled smugly. 'That's hot,' you might be thinking. Or 'Arrogance is sexy?' I did, too, a bit. But I also thought: 'Who does this selfish bastard think he is?' I'd douched. Travelled across a city to meet him. Endured physical pain to please him. I needed to ejaculate and could have wanked at home. What about my needs?

Turns out, he not only did not care about those, but felt an antagonistic disregard for them. "Get dressed and get out," he instructed, eyes radiating fury.

I respectfully complied. When someone asks you to leave their home, you do it. But rather than trouser-up in silence, I tried reasoning with him. ("I'm not saying it was bad...") Then, he stood up and straightened his back, making it clear just how much taller he was than me.

'THE POWER, YEAH (MOTORBIKE)'