Experience Required

Female friendships are essential to our mental health, our decision-making capabilities and our basic need for connection. But when Meg Mason met a woman 25 years her senior, she found a different kind of dynamic that offered even more

- Meg Mason

She had a way of clasping her hands below her chin when she spoke that made you lean in, as though she was sharing a confidence and not speaking to an audience of 200. She had a rich AM-radio sort of voice that could have been introducing the Polish Philharmonic something-or-other on your mother’s kitchen radio. Her face was the kind that smiled in repose, and within minutes of seeing her for the first time, I decided we would probably have to be friends. It was that flicker of recognition that says, “Here she is. Here’s one of yours. Sidle up to her after this lecture, be sweet and don’t leave without her number.”

And it seems I’m not the only one to have experienced what researchers have dubbed “friendship chemistry”. In fact, this instant connection between two people is most common among females, according to a study in The Social Science Journal. It’s about instinct, and because us women are programmed to trust our emotions, that “friendship at first sight” feeling motivates us to pursue the relationship. With any luck, it marks the start of a conversation that will continue in instalments for the next 30 years, fuelled by mutual interests, shared loathings, life events that become increasingly interwoven, and quantities of gin.