The Joy Of Quitting

Having been told her whole life that leaving is for losers, Alex Holder gave up her high-flying job  and realised that, actually, it was the most empowering thing she had ever done

- Alex Holder

I took inspiration from Zayn Malik on the day he said goodbye to One Direction. I sat with my business partner in the park opposite our office, said the words “I’m leaving” and cried. I was quitting my dream job – or at least, what had once been my dream job. The one I’d gone through eight rounds of interviews to get. I was partner in an amazing advertising agency; one I’d admired for so long. Loads of people wanted that job, I’d got it, and now I was giving it up. And there you have it, my proudest career moment to date: the day I quit.

When I’d left the house that morning, I hadn’t known that, by the end of the day, I wouldn’t have a salary or, gulp, an answer to the question, “So, what do you do?” I had to ring my boyfriend and confess, “Er, I quit my job today.” Did I mention our 11-month-old son, our mortgage, my ego? Oh, and by no means were we prepared financially; there was enough money to last six weeks, maybe eight. But when I got into bed that night, I felt an elation that only comes from an act of bravery.

I was always taught that quitting was for losers, so throughout my life I’d made sure I wasn’t one of them. I stayed with the boy I lost my virginity to for seven years. I ran marathons, once with cystitis. If I started a book, I finished it, even when I misguidedly picked up Ulysses. I spent a relentless decade working my way to the top of my career. I was not a quitter. Then, with two words, suddenly I was.

What I had mistaken for ambition and conviction was actually fear. I told myself I was happy enough. I had the house, the partner, the baby, the job. This is what adults do, isn’t it? They forsake fun for security. I regarded freelancers, part-timers and anyone who didn’t go into an office every day with jealousy and confusion. I stayed put, not because I loved my job, but because I was too scared to leave.