All Hail The Queen

In which GQs resident sexpert shatters a few myths.

- Chasity Fernandes

The first column I wrote for GQ back in 2008 was about the particular charm of having sex with a woman in a sari. It was written as a sample, actually, a test column to prove to the editor of GQ that we needed a desi sex columnist, that we had subject matter to discuss that was intrinsically local and that I had the balls to tell the truth, and the writing chops to back it up. Over the past decade, I’ve written about 50 columns, and can honestly say I’ve gained as much wisdom as I’ve dished out. I’m also happy to report that I’m still single, childless, that age and gravity have taken no toll on my breasts, that I enjoy sex as much in my thirties as I did in my twenties and that I still regularly show up to work at lunch hour sporting bed head.

So what’s changed, you ask? Well, I’ve spent a good many years trying to decipher what traits might make a man good in bed, but I’ve now discovered that it was a waste of time. There’s no foolproof method to determine whether or not a man (or woman) will be good in bed. You could be a great dancer or a great kisser and still not have a clue where to put it.