8 Conversations Every Couple Should Have

A new book claims eight exercises could lead to a better relationship, Rosie Mullender gives it a whirl

- Rosie Mullender

The next eight evenings you spend with your partner could seal your future together. At least, that’s the premise of Eight Dates, a new book by Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, which claims that all couples, old and new, should set aside the time for eight crucial conversations to cement their relationship.

Don and I have been together for four years. It was a classic tale of boy meets girl, the boy asks a girl out, the girl refuses, then eventually gives in – it took four years of Don sponsoring my office’s fun runs for me to agree to a date, but that date was fantastic. Two years ago, we bought a tiny flat, and have been living shoulder to shoulder ever since. There’s not much we don’t know about each other, so could the Gottmans really improve our relationship? Since they’ve spent 46 years studying over 3,000 couples, I’m willing to give it a try.

DATE ONE: LEAN ON ME

The first date focuses on the bedrock of any relationship: Trust and commitment. “In a relationship, commitment is a choice we make every single day,” the Gottmans say – and you show it by everything from keeping a promise, to telling your partner what you cherish about them.

Don and I have to ask each other direct questions like, ‘Can I trust you?’ and ‘Will you be faithful to me?’ I’ve not had great experiences with previous partners, but with more dating experience between us, and by being honest about our histories from the start, Don and I have established a really deep trust. We fly through this one feeling pleased with ourselves.

DATE TWO: AGREE TO DISAGREE