9 ways to repair shattered confidence

Some situations in life have the power to destroy confidence. What then?

‘Bear in mind that we don’t tend to lack confidence full stop – it appears in different parts of our lives at different times,’ explains Nova Cobban. ‘So it’s not that you are not a confident person or that you are not capable of trusting yourself, it’s just that something has occurred that has thrown your self-trust into temporary doubt.’

To rebuild your confidence after such a setback, Cobban recommends these nine steps:

1 Start where you feel confident

Find something that you are still really confident about, even if it’s something small and inconsequential such as driving, and build up from there. This helps you to build a truer and more specific picture of where the confidence issue sits.

2 Confidence comes from taking action

When we lack the confidence to attempt something – be that entering the dating scene after a break-up or taking on more responsibility at work – this gives rise to doubt and fear, so we tend to put it off until some point in the future when we hope we’ll feel more confident. ‘This doesn’t work, and waiting until you feel ready can actually increase the doubt and fear, because we need to take action to build up our self-trust; it’s not a passive process.’

Action comes before confidence, not the other way around. As you take steps towards doing the thing that scares you and your mind recognises that you have survived, your confidence builds. It’s a direct consequence of taking action and the proof that this action creates for your mind.

3 Look for proof