The Worst Advice I Ever Got

"Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud.” “Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up.” “Never ruin an apology with an excuse."

- Andy Simmons

All excellent words to live by. Sadly, that's the end of the good counsel on these pages. What we present here is advice to avoid at all costs, collected from our readers and elsewhere. Read it, laugh at it, learn from it. But whatever you do, don't follow it.

COMMUNE WITH NATURE

“If you see a bear and don't have time to run away, hug it. Bears cannot scratch their stomachs."

-My no-nonsense grandfather

@ROSEVELETH

DRIVE OFFENSIVELY

When I started learning how to drive, my dad, completely serious, said to me, “Always weave a little, and all the other cars will stay away from you."

-KARLEN STEPHENSEN

PLUG IN

"Stop reading! You read too much; you're going to hurt your eyes! Go watch TV for a while!"

- My grandma, every time she visited

-YIUROITU on thoughtcatalog.com

IMPROVE YOUR COMPLEXION

As a young teen, I had terrible acne. A doctor told me that my acne would go away once I married. Presumably, sex would make it disappear. I'm glad we got a second opinion. I didn't get married until I was 34.

-RICK WEAVER

PULL THE PLUG

My husband grew hot peppers in our garden one year. Wanting to dry them out, we asked our Amish friend what to do. She suggested we use the microwave to quicken the process. So we took her suggestion and nuked the peppers. Within seconds, sickening fumes filled the kitchen, driving us out of the house, coughing and gagging. Only later did we stop to wonder why we took the advice to use the microwave from someone who doesn't use electric appliances.

—ANDREA PETROKONIS

COME UP SHORT

“It's the thought that counts."

- PEGGY TAPIA