Letting Go

PAUL HENG writes from the heart about learning to let go of his only daughter – now that she’s found the man of her dreams.

- Paul Heng

I have always had a soft spot for girls. My daughter Charmaine, born 18 months after her brother Shaun, quickly became her Daddy’s girl, and I, her knight in shining armour. Somewhere along the way, I began calling her “darling”.

When my children were growing up, my wife Jane was the bad cop and I, the good cop. She would be the one to wield the cane, and I would be the one to swoop in to Charmaine’s rescue after she got a scolding.

As a father, it is natural to want to protect my daughter – and to feel that I’m the most qualified man to do this. The notion has continued to this day, and even though she is an adult now. The idea that someone else would take over this role never crossed my mind. 

And then,Ng Hong Kin came into the picture.

MY CHARRMAINE AND HONG KIN

They were classsmates in Victoria Junior College and, as far as I knew, not an item. Then, just weeks before Hong Kin left for the UK on a study scholarship, Charmaine told us they were together. Of course, I had mixed feelings about this. Couldn’t they have started earlier? Why when Hong Kin was leaving for his studies? London and Singapore were not exactly a short fight away. A long-distance relationship is hard and it takes a miracle to work.

But they coped – for four long years. The strategy: A mix of her flying to London to visit Hong Kin in Cambridge, him coming home during study breaks, and numerous Skype sessions in those pre- Whatsapp days.

A GOOD BOY

I recall fondly an amusing incident that helped us get to know Hong Kin better. Charmaine and her friends had planned a birthday surprise for him. The plan required them to show up at his home unannounced. To their disappointment, they could not stay for long as he was studying for exams.