My Selfish Siblings Expect Me To Care For Our Parents

An ageing population means more families are faced with caring for elderly parents. But what happens when only one sibling is expected to take on most of the work?

- Lisa Twang

Wen looking after aged parents, often one sibling is left to take on most of the burden, which can cause resentment. according to a 2013 study by the Duke-NUS medical School, the number of people above the age of 65 in Singapore is expected to increase to 610,000 by 2020, even as the number of family caregivers shrinks. So how do families work it out when one sibling has to care for her parents alone? 

Sometimes it’s the sibling who wants to take on the role, but often, it’s the others saying they can’t because they have commitments. The caregiver can be left feeling stretched between her job, her own family, and financial demands. Yet, those left to be the main caregivers don’t usually speak up, and suffer in silence.

The Weekly spoke with five women who honestly aired their views and feelings on caring for their elderly parents, with our promise that their identities would be kept private.

“When my mum had her stroke, it was scary. We didn’t know if she would recover, and were concerned with the cost of hiring a helper and entrusting my mum to a stranger. Mum was not for the idea at all, and was emotionally shaken by the whole episode as she was once a very independent and strong lady who didn’t like relying on anyone,” she says.

Sally has four other siblings, three of whom are married with kids. She and her sister, who are both single, live with their mother. Because Sally was in the midst of her studies and in a vocation that allowed her to work from home most days, unlike her siblings, she decided to take up the responsibility of caring for her mother. Today, she works part-time while helping to care for her mother at home, and brings her for quarterly doctor’s visits.