PM stitch-up in crime thanks to rule of nine

What we’ve learned from Conservatives, after the fines for Boris Johnson’s illegal parties, is if someone is proven to be a lying cheating idiot, you shouldn’t replace them while there’s a war on.

- MARK STEEL

In the same way, it wouldn’t be the time to replace someone who’s out of their head on weed and vodka, while they’re flying a jumbo jet to California.

You can understand why many Conservatives insist he should stay, despite ignoring his own laws. Because the Tories are proudly the party of law and order – unless you forgot the law although you made the law, or if you said sorry, or if you’d been working hard, or if it was over a year ago, or if there’s a war on somewhere.

But apart from that they’re absolutely tough on crime with no excuses.

One fascinating argument of the Prime Minister’s supporters has been that his birthday party only lasted nine minutes so it didn’t really count.