The lack of magic words to cure grief really pissed me off, to be honest. Before my mom died, words had been my solace. They had been able to describe, in minute detail, how I felt. They had offered a way to vent or explain or move through feelings that always made me feel better. They had been a bridge to other people.
But suddenly they didn’t work. All I could do was describe the facts and try, somehow, to wrap my head around them.
My mom was a healthy 72-year-old. In late May, she started complaining of sore feet and persistent acid reflux. In mid-June she said she’d lost weight and was really tired, so we sent her for a battery of blood tests. The tests showed an abnormally high cancer count, so she was admitted to hospital. The next day she had a stroke, and the doctor gave us the diagnosis: ‘the worst possible scenario’. Ten days after that, she died.
My mom – my constant compass, daily cheery WhatsApp sender, biggest fan and best friend – was gone.
In the wake of her death, I came unmoored. I had flown to Durban from Cape Town as soon as we got the diagnosis, and my husband and kids and brothers and nephews and nieces all made the journey too. After her funeral, we flew back and I tried to make sense of a world in which I had no mom. Everything I looked at around my home reminded me of her: the obvious things, like the quilts she had made us and the earrings she’d bought me, but also the recipe book filled with her recipes, the cream cheese we both loved, the plants I had stolen from our childhood home. Nothing didn’t hurt.
Denne historien er fra September/October 2021-utgaven av Fairlady.
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Denne historien er fra September/October 2021-utgaven av Fairlady.
Start din 7-dagers gratis prøveperiode på Magzter GOLD for å få tilgang til tusenvis av utvalgte premiumhistorier og 9000+ magasiner og aviser.
Allerede abonnent? Logg på
'DESIRE IS NOT WHAT MATTERS'
Emily Nagoski wrote the book on women and desire - literally. And then her own sex life dried up. Here's what a prolonged sex drought (and a load of research) taught her about maintaining intimacy in a long-term relationship.
'We have to tell HARD STORIES'
Theatre director and playwright Yaël Farber is spending time in South Africa after her critically acclaimed run of King Lear at the Almeida Theatre in London. We chatted to her about the importance of the pursuit of truth.
THE WHY, THE WHICH & the wardrobe
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LIFT your GAME
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TREATMENT PLAN ON YOUR MARKS
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PLAYING YOUR CARDS RIGHT
Here's how to get the most out of loyalty cards.
BIG SKY Country
Namibia. Twelve friends, five vehicles, 4000 km, thirteen days. Eight punctures, one angle grinder. One martial eagle, one full moon, one ghost town. Plenty of top-quality braais, maybe not quite enough oysters... and the best time ever.
IS YOUR HOME MAKING YOU SICK?
Leaks, damp and poor ventilation in old or poorly built new homes are being fingered for a growing health concern: mould.
HOW TO REALLY GET TO KNOW SOMEONE
The Korean word 'nunchi' describes 'the ability to be sensitive to other people's moods and thoughts'. It's an underrated skill that we seem to have lost.
How to write a memoir
Whether you want to share your experiences and insights with the world, leave a legacy or track pivotal experiences for yourself, writing your memoir can be a grand and worthwhile adventure. Here's some advice on how and where to begin.