The Night I killed my Husband

Seven years after Philda Sarlie killed her husband, the Johannesburg grandmother opens up about the relationship and the years of abuse

- Mandy Wiener

Yemet James at a club while out with friends. I was 30 and was separated from my husband, the father of my two children. I didn’t like James straightaway. He wasn’t my cup of tea but eventually I got to know him and I began to think he was an amazing person. We talked on the phone for hours. It wasn’t love in the beginning. He was just a friend. Somebody I could count on. Then my feelings got stronger and James and I moved in together. He was completely different from my ex-husband – he was a hard, no-nonsense type of person. I needed that solidity. But a year into our relationship, when he started feeling insecure about the good relationship I had with my ex- husband,that firmness became abusive.

At first it was emotional. Calls to my cellphone diverted to his. Then he started stalking me. I’d walk in a mall and my friends would say, “Philda, don’t turn around, but James is behind us.” He would also go to my office to find out if I was at work.

Then it became physical. He would pull me and shove me. One day, while we were sitting on the couch, he pulled out a knife and sliced me across my face, in front of my children. My daughter was five years old. This little child came and sat on my lap and touched my bleeding face

I can still see her face. I can still see the hurt in her eyes. The next day I told him this was not the life I wanted, and he apologised.

I stayed with him – and the abuse – for 18 years. I thought it would get better. I thought he would change. He said he would go to counselling sessions, but he lied and didn’t go. The abuse would stop for a few months, and then it would get worse.