A 20-year Obsession With Staying Slim Kept Alix O'Neill Trapped in a Cycle of Deprivation and Reward. But Pregnancy Shook Up Her Perception of Perfection – and Her Sense of Self
I was expecting tears of elation. This was the moment I’d spent the best part of a year waiting for, but as I gaped at the pregnancy test in my hand, the happiness I felt was diluted by other emotions. There was panic I’d unwittingly harmed the baby after a boozy weekend, doubt I was cut out for such an enormous responsibility, and an element of fear – fear of losing my body and myself to motherhood.
Thinness has been my thing for much of my adult life. I wore skinny like a favourite pair of jeans. Tiny breasts and a well-defined clavicle were comfortable, a second skin. Growing up, my looks didn’t come into the equation. A spirited kid with big dreams, I was going to be a playwright, an author, an FBI agent (lack of American citizenship wasn’t going to stand in my way).
But as I entered my teenage years, everything seemed less certain. Humility was the ethos at my convent high school. Sure, you could have ambition – within reason. When I demonstrated an aptitude for French, I was rebuked for showing off, while my English teacher smirked when I told her I planned to be a writer. Puberty did little to help my plummeting confidence. Braces, thick-rimmed government health-issued glasses and skin lubricated with an immutable layer of oil – I was the poster girl for awkward adolescence. My friends embraced the changes in their bodies, they knew how to work the extra layer of flesh on their hips. Me? I was all boobs and bum, self-consciously concealing the latter behind a denim Hard Rock Cafe jacket welded to my waist.
Denne historien er fra June 2018 -utgaven av Marie Claire South Africa.
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Denne historien er fra June 2018 -utgaven av Marie Claire South Africa.
Start din 7-dagers gratis prøveperiode på Magzter GOLD for å få tilgang til tusenvis av utvalgte premiumhistorier og 9000+ magasiner og aviser.
Allerede abonnent? Logg på
These Women Are Not Real
These women have millions of Instagram followers, front-row seats at fashion week and the latest designer clothes … but they’re not real. This new social-media trend is the most futuristic yet: computer-generated avatars that look, talk and behave like real people. But, asks HANNAH-ROSE YEE, is this really the future of the influencer industry?
One Moment In Time
In February this year, para-athlete and journalist Palesa ‘Deejay’ Manaleng won gold in the women’s H3 hand-cycle event at the 2018 SA National Road and Para-Cycling Championships in Outdshoorn, Western Cape. Four years earlier, she had lost the use of her legs in a terrible cycling accident. Here, she shares that terrifying experience and her personal story of recovery
Never Had Sex But Trying For A Baby
For this 40-something-year-old, becoming a mother is high up on her priority list. And the fact that she’s a virgin, is not going to stop her from reaching her goal
Living In A Man's World
What really happens in the secret world of men? We asked four men who were born female to share their unique perspective on what it’s like to be parachuted into the opposite gender
Get In The Mood
You’re ready to ring in 2019, but that dreaded dress code has you in a panic. There’s no need to stress. Tarryn Oppel thinks you may already have a winning piece in your wardrobe. You just don’t know it yet...
A Charmed Life
Jewellery designer Ambra Gambale ’s handcrafted work has a curious undercurrent of magic realism, with a strong emphasis on bespoke pieces
Chelsea Lately
Former first daughter Chelsea Clinton talks privilege, female leadership, dealing with critics – and how Trump ‘degrades what it means to be an American’
Delivering Excellence
NOMZAMO MBATHA chats to Afika Jadezweni about her red-carpet style, why women need to support one another, and how she’ll never forget where she comes from
Soul To Soul
If There Were Ever a Visual Representation of the Expression ‘wearing Your Heart on Your Sleeve’, Lukhanyo Mdingi’s ‘soulful Ii’ Collection Would Be It, as Afika Jadezweni Finds Out
It's Kim's World
…We Just Live In It. How An Underestimated La Socialite Became One Of The Most Powerful Women Of The 21st Century