Why I Chose Single Motherhood

Emma Brockes details her difficult but ultimately joyful journey

The hardest thing about having a baby alone isn’t the expense, the fear or the loneliness. It isn’t the process of getting pregnant or the term ‘spermdonor.’ The hardest thing is making the decision to do it.

I’ve always known I wanted children, and while everything else in my life changed, the distant outline of a child remained steadfast. I met L two years after moving to New York. On the surface we looked very different – me, English, lefty, unkempt; she, New Yorker, centre-right, well put-together. We disagreed about everything. She was three years older than me and told me she was planning on trying to get pregnant. It stumped me. According to every relationship model I knew, you could either be with someone who already had kids, have kids together and separate, or have a baby alone. There was no such thing as being with someone who had a baby on her own.

Complicated

I also didn’t want to help another woman raise her baby. It would only make sense for me to stick around if L had a child, if our relationship became more conventional, or if I had my own baby independently.

All I had to do was figure out how. Would I use a friend as a sperm donor, or a stranger? Would I move back to London for free treatment on the NHS or stay in America and spend thousands? I chose America. It’s where I live and where L has her baby.