'I've been pregnant 12 times but only had one baby'

Laura cherishes her son Bertie, but will never forget her lost children

- LARA KILNER

Laura Buckingham, 37, lives in Gravesend with her husband, Scoop, and their three-year-old son, Bertie

I’d always wanted a big family, to the point where I’d planned four children and even chosen their names – Bertie, Ted, Connie and Flo. My husband, Scoop, and I started trying for a baby in 2012 when I was 27 and, after almost a year, we found out I was pregnant on Christmas Eve.

But our excitement was short-lived – two weeks later, I miscarried.

I was devastated and embarrassed. I felt shame, that it was all my fault. However, everyone told me to crack on, saying you’re most fertile straight afterwards.

I didn’t have much time to deal with my emotions because, sure enough, within four weeks, I was pregnant again. But that ended in early miscarriage, too.

Everyone tried to console me, saying, “At least you know you can get pregnant.” But I started getting ugly feelings. At work, there were constant pregnancy announcements and I found myself jealous and resentful.

We carried on trying and, later that year, I got pregnant again. I had an early scan and there was a heartbeat, and a second scan showed the same. For the third scan, I took my mum along. The night before, we looked at baby clothes. She was so excited as it would be her first grandchild.