Dearest Child
The date was 2 January 2011: the first and only time I dreamt of you. How clearly I saw you in my rearview mirror; I had just pulled on to the highway, my mother and sister in the car ahead of me, and there you were: a little girl of about six or seven, standing alone by the roadside. You wanted to say goodbye.
I brought my car to a standstill and got out. I went to you and picked you up, holding you tightly in my arms, and pressing you against my breast. I could feel the shape of your small form. And I cried.
I realised that I would upset you and tried to stop. But I could not. You asked me why I was crying. And I said: "I am going to miss you terribly." Then I woke up. And it was with a sense of absolute loss. I wanted to continue crying because of the heartache. But I realised that I was awake. I had to stop. It was just a dream. And it struck me how the dream was devoid of any sensory detail, how it seemed as if you were frozen in time.
Later that day I wrote down my dream, as I usually do. And thinking back on your image, I realised that you were the daughter of a university friend of mine. She had named her daughter after me. The small girl's name was Zarine. It was my younger self standing there, being left behind: my inner child.
My first session with a Jungian analyst in Cape Town was on 8 February 2011, a month after this dream. And it was you we discussed. And the message you brought me. You showed me the way. You showed me that I, the adult Zarine, had to go back to where the six-year-old was symbolically left behind beside the road - as if she had been abandoned in the same way that people would leave an unwanted pet behind when driving away from a roadside picnic spot. I had to go back to you.
Denne historien er fra December 2024 - January 2025-utgaven av GLAMOUR South Africa.
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Denne historien er fra December 2024 - January 2025-utgaven av GLAMOUR South Africa.
Start din 7-dagers gratis prøveperiode på Magzter GOLD for å få tilgang til tusenvis av utvalgte premiumhistorier og 9000+ magasiner og aviser.
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