ON THE FRINGES

We may be celebrating four years since the annulment of Section 377, but the shadow of the HIV stigma still looms large in the queer community

- BARRY RODGERS

For the better half of 2018, Abhishek*, a dear friend of mine, would often flock to his sacred space - the dance floor - if only for a few hours. He enjoyed letting his inhibitions run wild twice a month at his favourite queer-friendly hotel. Things changed, however, on a particularly raucous Saturday night in July Abhishek was told, rather casually, by his partner at the time that he was HIV+. "I think you should get tested asap, given that we've had bareback sex a couple of times," said his partner while they were dancing to the pulsating bass thump of a famous gay anthem (Gloria Gaynor's I Will Survive). In a matter of seconds, Abhishek's safe space turned into doubt, uncertainty, and unhelpful difference.

The following week, Abhishek tested positive for HIV. As a result, and almost immediately, he became emotionally detached, experiencing life in a dissociated and depersonalized way. A visit to a healthcare provider followed, which included a review of his health and medical history, a physical exam, and several lab tests. The health care provider also explained the benefits of HIV treatment and discussed ways to reduce the risk of passing HIV to others. His supervisor put him on antiretroviral medicines to stop the virus from replicating in the body. It was all too much to take in.

Despite a group of us friends checking in on him regularly, Abhishek decided it was time to leave Mumbai and return to his native place, Raipur, leaving behind a flourishing career in set design. I remember him telling us: "I want to go as far away from here as possible." It's been four years since I last saw my friend. While he does respond to texts intermittently, Abhishek has chosen to remain largely underground.