GOING IN blind

Every relationship has blind spots, or problem areas that are hard to see clearly because you are too close to them. It's easy to blame your partner - but what if you're part of the problem?

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Being in a relationship is a lot like driving a car. You know where you are going and try to steer around corners and obstacles – but much of the process happens unconsciously.

Unlike when we’re learning to drive, however, we’re seldom taught to check our blind spots when conflict arises with those closest to us. We only know them by their effects: perhaps it’s the same old argument that somehow never gets resolved, or perhaps it’s recurring feelings of anger, hurt or resentment.

When we experience these things, we often blame our partner – which, like road rage, usually makes them worse – when what we should be doing is searching for our blind spots. Of course, this is easier said than done.

“It is a daunting task to look within and confront our own shortcomings and to recognise the ways in which our actions or inactions may have contributed to hurt in our relationships,” says Louis Venter, couples counsellor and founder of Couples Help™. “Nonetheless, it is this very accountability that serves as the foundation for true healing and growth in a relationship.”

WHY ARE BLIND SPOTS SO HARD TO SEE?

“Relationship blind spots can be challenging to recognise for several reasons,” explains Venter. “Often, they have developed over time – and because we are not consciously aware of them, it is difficult to identify and address these patterns without intentional self-reflection and introspection.”