Scottish former pro cyclist-turned-commentator Brian Smith is standing on the start line at the Hell of the Ashdown sportive, trying to gee up the group of 30 riders I find myself among in the start pen.
Glancing down at the sticker of climbs and their profiles I've attached to my top-tube, I can see he might have a point. The first major ascent of the day - Toys Hill - is just 2.3km in, and its 7.3% average gradient for just shy of 3km will have to be tackled with cold legs. Not for the last time, I wonder what I've signed up for.
Last-minute entry
Less than 24 hours earlier, my weekend plans were looking completely different. I had 80km left of riding to do of the 150km per week target I'd set myself at the start of the year. A gentle loop from my home in north London to the lanes of Essex was on the cards for Sunday.
Sitting down to breakfast on Saturday, my phone lit up with a text from Cycling Plus deputy editor John Whitney. "Very short notice but was hoping you'd be up for riding the Hell of the Ashdown sportive in Kent tomorrow? I was supposed to do it but I'm sick. Please let me know ASAP." I head to the website and am confronted with a photo of Satan and a list of 10 climbs and cols, half of which are classed as 'hors categorie' (a similar difficulty to the ascents of the Alps and Pyrenees) and none below category two.
Originally started by Catford CC as a reliability ride in the 1920s, the Hell of the Ashdown (or HOTA to old hands) transformed into a fully fledged event open to 1,500 entrants. Its USP is that it's the first in the UK sportive season. The Devil's trident was passed to neighbouring club Westerham CC in 2022, but its ethos remains the same - a fun, if hard, day on the bike to test how well you're shaping up ahead of the spring.
Denne historien er fra June 2023-utgaven av Cycling Plus UK.
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Denne historien er fra June 2023-utgaven av Cycling Plus UK.
Start din 7-dagers gratis prøveperiode på Magzter GOLD for å få tilgang til tusenvis av utvalgte premiumhistorier og 9000+ magasiner og aviser.
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GANARY A COALMINE
The James Brown tune 'It's a Man's Man's Man's World' comes on the radio, filling the coach, and does nothing for my pre-event nerves as I sit surrounded by serious-looking, wiry, tanned men in Lycra. It's 6.30am, pitch black outside and I'm feeling very out of my depth as a relative newcomer to the world of clipless pedals and hurting for fun. Last night's stress dream involved being very unprepared to get married and being handed my great-grandmother-in-law-to-be's hideous silver dress with lace trim to wear minutes before the ceremony was due to start. I'll let you psychoanalyse that one.
BORDER PATROL
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COLD SNAPS
Chris Lanaway dons the deepest winter thermals for the Abloc Winter Challenge in southern Sweden
Master Age-group racing
Tips to keep you on the race course as you get older
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£4,950 Big-value, Barcelona-born bike that hits the spot for gravel riding
Seasonal disorder
Pinpointing the start of the cycling season is no easy task, writes Ned
Ride all winter
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Joined-up thinking
Connecting more rail stations to the NCN is long overdue
Castelli Gabba
Castelli’s breathable, close-fitting yet waterproof and windproof jacket marked a watershed in cycle clothing
Air Apparent - Pollution hasn't gone away. It's still there in every lungful, even if we can't see it in the air or on the news. But there are reasons to breathe easier, thanks to pioneering projects using cycling 'citizen scientists'. Rob Ainsley took part in one...
The toxic effects of pollution have been known about for years. 'Just two things of which you must beware: Don't drink the water and don't breathe the air!' sang 1960s satirist Tom Lehrer.Over recent decades, though, pollution has dropped down our list of things to worry about, thanks to ominously capitalised concerns such as Climate Change, AI, Global Conflict, Species Collapse, etc. That doesn't, unfortunately, mean the problem has expired. Air quality often exceeds safe limits, with far-reaching and crippling effects on our health.
