There’s beaucoup news this month about the Class of 1993, topped by the happy tidings that Jack Beckerston, known to most of us as the Beckster, has finally been transferred from the United States Penitentiary in Atlanta to the less rigid Federal Correctional Institution near Marianna, Florida, which he describes as more comfortable than his freshman dorm. The new digs are an easy drive from the Gulf Coast, and the Beckster invites any ’93ers travelling in that area to drop by. (Visitor regulations and hours are available at fedcorrection.gov.) Ever the jokester—he has always maintained that what he refers to as “the socalled Ponzi scheme” was a prank— Jack added a P.S. to his letter which reads, “No hacksaws, please.”
An e-mail from Kimberly Connelly carries the disappointing news that her latest door-to-door beauty product, a cream for fighting cellulite, called CellNo-More, attracted the attention of the Food and Drug Administration, “and not in a pleasant way.” When all was said and done, Kimberly had to file for bankruptcy—her fourth. She plans to start again with a different cellulite fighting formula but with the same motto: “Keep those dimples on your face where they belong.” Investors welcome, as usual.
This story is from the September 9, 2019 edition of The New Yorker.
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This story is from the September 9, 2019 edition of The New Yorker.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.
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