Send better Smoke Signals

No matter how solid your relationship, you’ll never get away from everyday stress. But you can make sure it doesn’t burn the house down. Here’s how to stop fanning the flames.

- Pablo Sennett

THE THING WITH FRICTION is, it causes heat, and fire, and big explosions. The logistics of living together with another human being make it almost impossible to avoid becoming irritated or arguing. A Pew Research study showed that only 10% of adults admitted to never arguing at all, while most of us do so several times each week. This is not necessarily a bad thing; allowing the sparks to fly once in a while breathes new life into a relationship and creates room for constructive change. But there are rules, of course – like never make it personal and don’t be mean – but who among us can say he has not sinned and lost it, just a little bit? So how do you keep your conflicts on the right side of constructive? Glad you asked. We’ll tell you.

The Bar

She’s at home; you’re saying, just one more drink

You met a few mates for a drink after work. Okay, maybe more than one. Next thing you know, she’s on the phone every couple minutes asking where you are. 

DE-ESCALATE The key to a relationship that goes the distance? Mutual trust. Without it, you’ll always be one spark away from tearing up your marriage register. “It’s difficult for any attempt to control your partner not to come off as demeaning or just plain paranoid,” says medical doctor, sexologist and resident MH sex and relationships advisor, Elna Rudolph. “Finding a balance between a healthy social life and not disregarding your partner’s feelings is crucial if you want the relationship to last.” It’s also a matter of practice – for her and you, too. Acknowledge that you understand how she feels, and remember, if it were the other way round, you’d probably be kicking down doors and breaking heads right about now.