The ScoMo DIARIES

Hot on the heels of this month’s Australian federal election, we thought it apt to throw you some good ol’ fashioned political satire. In their latest book, The Scomo Diaries, Mad as Hell’s Tosh Greenslade and award-winning cartoonist Andrew Weldon take a light-hearted look back at Scott Morrison’s first 18 months as the Big Kahuna of Australia. The brilliant (and completely unofficial) account covers everything from his interactions with world leaders to his marketing expertise and even the biggest question of them all — what really happened at the Engadine Maccas? This edited extract gives us an insight into ScoMo’s early days, the leadership spill and the day he became PM…

- TOSH GREENSLADE

August 24th 2018

I did it! Everything I have ever done has been leading to this point, and I finally did it! As of today, I, Scott Morrison, have become manager of one of the world’s pre-eminent marketing firms: the Australian Federal Government. I know in my heart that I am destined to be the greatest leader this company has ever seen, and so here I present to you, dear reader, my diary. May it inspire younger generations towards the greatness I am destined to achieve and act as a blueprint for future leaders long after I have moved into the private sector.

Before we get to all that, though, I guess you need to know a bit about who I was before I became the boss. My humble beginnings. As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be an ad man. It was a toss-up between that and being a priest, but I decided on the former because it offered greater variety in the things I got to sell. I had my first taste of the life as a child actor in my youth when I did a commercial for cough drops. There were a lot of great people on that film set, but the ones I looked up to most were the advertising executives. They drank whiskey, smoked cigarettes and had houses in the Shire – Sydney’s crown jewel. They commanded so much respect that people would literally stop talking when they approached and stand there staring, obviously paralysed with admiration.