THERAPY worked FOR US...

Four women share how getting support helped their mental health

-  ALI HORSFALL

I learnt that grief can be extremely complicated'

EMMA GRAY, 43, from Taunton, Somerset, is an adulting coach offering emotional and practical grief support at rainbowhunting.co.uk

'Six years ago, my husband Simon died of oesophageal cancer. He was only 38 and losing him left me heartbroken. From day one of his diagnosis we were told it was terminal so I sought support immediately as I knew I wouldn't be able to cope on my own. Primarily, I wanted counselling to help navigate telling our two young daughters, but I quickly realised that in order to help them, I had to keep myself together. I found a family counsellor through a local charity and they supported me throughout Simon's diagnosis, death, and for years afterwards.

I needed to talk about my feelings without the risk upsetting anyone else - having someone to listen was invaluable. I learnt that grief doesn't shrink over time, it stays the same size, and you just try to grow around it.

Since then, my therapy has gone deeper and I've really looked at who I am as a person. Grief puts a magnifying glass over other issues. It can be extremely complicated as death often triggers other unprocessed traumas. Therapy enabled me to open the Pandora's box of my life and look not just at Simon's death, but what our relationship gave me in terms of love and stability and how I could begin to offer that to myself after he had gone. The gift of Simon dying is that I've found peace with the person I've wanted to be. I've done the digging and sat with my uncomfortable feelings. I'm now much more able to reach for the help that I need.