A GALLIC boffin has sparked a war of words by claiming Brits are all speaking "badly pronounced French" - just like hopeless spy Officer Crabtree from 'Allo 'Allo! 
Linguist Bernard Cerquiglini reckons "English doesn't exist" and we talk the same as actor Arthur Bostrom's madcap character in the hit 80s sitcom.
The fake gendarme was infamous for legendary mispronunciations like "Good Moaning" and "I was p*ssing by the door, when I heard two shats".
<img style="width: 100%;" src="https://cdn.magzter.com/1583505505/1710121165/articles/ql0LON-wr1710135585549/1300201010.jpg">
Other mistakes included "It is a deck night", "Will you please stop bonging the bill", and "I will go out the bock passage."
Mr Cerquiglini, right, said: "French gave English essential vocabulary, that of law, trade, spirituality, art and government.
"If English is a prestigious, international language today, it is thanks to French."
The professor of linguistics in Paris says a variation of French became the&nbsp;language of the aristocracy in England from the Norman invasion until the 14th Century.
He says 80,000 English words, such as "stew", are derived from French.

Bad moaning!

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