COUNT Binface says he'll make Thames Water bosses "take a dip" in the polluted river if he becomes London mayor.
The self-described intergalactic space warrior, who says he is 5,072-years-old in Earth years, is on the ballot paper next Thursday.
The satirical political character created by comic Jonathan David Harvey highlighted pollution in Britain's second-longest river.
And he pledged to make Thames Water chiefs "take a dip to see how they like it". Speaking outside Parliament, the Count outlined his flagship policies for the capital.
<img style="width: 100%;" src="https://cdn.magzter.com/1583505505/1714177003/articles/km5mvNIkk1714186823596/1114475566.jpg">
They include renaming London Bridge after Phoebe Waller-Bridge, price capping croissants at &pound;1.10 and granting Grade 1-listed status to Claudia Winkleman's fringe.
Binface claimed he is "the only candidate with a decent manifesto" but praised the current mayor.
He said: "Unlike the two previous incumbents, Ken Livingstone and Boris 'The Bombshell' Johnson, Sadiq Khan is not yet a laughing stock - so fair play on that front." The Count could also contest PM Rishi "Biggles" Sunak's seat in the general election.

I'll dip the water rats

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