The myth of an equal marriage

Research has shown that married women continue to do more at home compared with their husbands, so it is time for men to step up

- Abel Ang

How many of us actually know of a couple who has a successfully equal marriage?

Wikipedia describes equality in marriage as a "couple having the kind of marriage that is a balanced partnership with equal respect, responsibilities and power".

Marriage literature further elaborates that an equal marriage is one where both parties have the same rights and responsibilities in the relationship, regardless of gender.

The notion of an equal marriage is that each party contributes 50 per cent to the relationship. If there are six things to be done, one party will do three tasks and the other the rest.

I believe that an equal marriage is a myth, an unattainable goal. It is held up as an ideal that many work towards, but few ever attain.

For me, it is akin to maintaining a healthy body mass index (BMI) below 23 during the middle-aged years, after the kids have completely disrupted our fragile exercise regimens.

I have not had a BMI below 23 since the kids arrived, and I don't have an equal marriage.

WOMEN DO MORE

Much of the work of a parent cannot be easily divided. How do you divvy up childcare responsibilities? What about nurturing the child?

Raising a child is more than deciding who is going to be on diaper duty.

But let's take a look at that simple metric: How many fathers can say that they took half of the diaper changes? I didn't, and it appears that I am not alone.

The Marriage and Parenthood Survey, released by Singapore's National Population and Talent Division in 2022, found that married women continue to do more at home compared with their husbands.

On average, women spent about six hours on a normal weekday on childcare, and 10 hours on weekends. Men reported an average of 3.6 hours on weekdays and 7.7 hours on weekends.