My Divorce Wasn't A Failure I Wasn't A Failure

Despite all the heartache and self-doubt, bestselling author Adele Parks believes that separating from her first husband was the best thing that ever happened to her…

I was brought up to believe marriage is for life. For better, for worse; no get-out clauses. My parents had already celebrated their ruby wedding anniversary when my marriage broke down. I thought that getting divorced would be the worst experience of my life. It turned out to be the best.

Simon and I had done everything by the book. We met when I was 23 and he was 24, we’d been together for three years before we got hitched, and were married for four years before I got pregnant. We’d taken our time. For years we’d lived, worked and played side by side. I’d thought it was forever. It wasn’t, but that doesn’t mean the marriage was a failure and it certainly doesn’t mean I am a failure – which is something divorced women are pushed into believing.

Simon’s reason for calling it a day was that he wasn’t happy – specifically, he wasn’t happy with me. I never really got more of an explanation than that. My instant reaction was outrage. How dare he not be happy? I was now 31, and we had everything – a beautiful baby son, a stunning home, great careers, friends and family. How could he be so damned ungrateful? I was angry that his decision could affect me so much. He’d asked me if I wanted to get married, he’d asked me if I wanted to have a baby with him, but he’d told me it was all over. I had no control.

Close behind those emotions came the more complex grief process as the seriousness of my situation began to sink in. I felt overwhelming sadness for the past we had shared and the future we had planned. During this time, it wasn’t unusual for me to be going about my business when I would suddenly notice that my T-shirt was wet with tears because I’d cried so long and hard.